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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in bleedingboy's LiveJournal:

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    Thursday, July 6th, 2006
    11:10 pm
    Anti Climax
    I always have these entries planned in my head the night before I write them, about 1000 words, then I end up writing about 30

    Things I've done

    Built a pc, hay it works!
    Said goodbye to frankie, hay that sucks
    Bummed about for 5 weeks in boxers and shirt.
    Been incredibly depressed and de motivated.
    Played alot of games

    Things I'm about to do

    Turn 16
    Wednesday, June 21st, 2006
    4:20 pm
    Hi!
    I want someone (a girl plz) to hold me close and never let go, how weird is that!

    I feel so lonely all the time.
    Tuesday, June 13th, 2006
    11:40 pm
    cunts
    Doctors want me to go back into hospital on antidepressants, AS IF 6 FUCKING MONTHS AND 3 DIFFERENT ANTI DEPRESSANTS WORKED.

    If they make me go (I'm still under 16) I'll run away :)
    Friday, June 9th, 2006
    12:17 am
    Great news :D
    frankie (from hospital) is getting much better. I don't know why this made me cry, but it has all night.

    She's moved onto food, after a year of not eating. It's amazing, I'm so happy for her
    Tuesday, May 23rd, 2006
    12:18 pm
    Woah.
    I keep on dreaming of getting laid, it's fun.
    Monday, May 8th, 2006
    3:12 am
    Parteee
    The party was so fun :| Heres a list of what I did. Probably not in order.

    Got very drunk. 3 carlings, 2 full glasses of vodka, some VIB (4.2% vodka mixed), 5 smirnoffs, some malibu.

    Met some cool people, most were around 20 years old, but thats cool! I got some numbers, and liked everyone, except one lad who called me mother hubbard the entire night, who is this mother?!

    Puked up 17 times, I don't actually remember much of this part of the night. But as far as I think it went ok. I managed to find an en suite as one of the toilets, waking up her mum.

    Tried to get in a fight with the guy who called me mother hubbard, then told him I loved him and gave him a hug.

    Touched some boobs, not out of arousal but out of wanting to fit in with the crowd. They were touching them, so my drunk logic is, HEY I WANNA FEEL. They were sorta neat, but cold.

    Told the girl I liked, I loved her alot and wanted to marry her. In front of her boyfriend. Lolz.

    Apparantly, wandered round every single bed in the house, as I didn't know this when I woke up in the morning in a different bed it was wierd.

    Fell over.

    Danced.

    Punched a strobe light which was hurting my head.

    Woke up ay 7:30 am the next morning hangover free, got some crips as the cafe was closed

    Really fun. Too bad I won't have a party again for ages, wank.

    Got my 2nd GCSE on tuesday. Fun.
    Sunday, April 2nd, 2006
    12:18 pm
    Some things I forgot
    The other day I thought fuck it, I may as well ask this girl (natalie, who I like alot) out, it turned out she would have said yes, but about 2 hours before her friend asked her out. Either that or she came up with a lame excuse to say no, lawl.

    Lawrence is coming back into hospital, for a week, which will be the last time I get to see him, nice to get to say goodbye though.
    Saturday, April 1st, 2006
    1:38 am
    1 down, several things to go.
    Well I'm getting discharged from hospital after 5 months next week. Something along the lines of "We can't do anything to help you." and "The pain won't get better, only worse, your coping mechanisms have to get better." and, "if you can't do this program, there's nothing else we can do for you."

    Fun.

    I got extremely drunk on my own tonight, quite sad really, but I was cold, and now I'm not. So that's good.

    I'm out of the wheelchair :o But since it hurts so incredibly much to walk, I don't bother walking. So that sucks

    I'm still intending to go through with it, anyone who doesn't know what "it" is, need not ask.

    And if someone would fucking reply for once, I'm going to stop updating soon, because it feels like I'm talking to a mute brick wall.
    Saturday, March 11th, 2006
    12:38 am
    Giving up time for real :o
    No I am not committing suicide :P

    I've decided to discharge myself from hospital, I don't feel there helping me, which leaves me pretty much screwed with my life. Lawl. Oh well, it could be worse. Well not really, but saying that makes me feel better.

    The doctors haven't a clue.

    The NHS sucks :)

    I'll probably be at home more now.
    Sunday, February 26th, 2006
    3:28 pm
    Seems quite pointless to update now but whatever.
    I've gotten worse. Throwing up all my food. Have a nasal gastric tube in, it hurts. Life pretty much sucks right now.

    But I watched The Last Samurai and enjoyed it, life's not all bad!

    I'm really worried how I'm going to get my coursework done like this.

    LJ is blocked in hospital, reason for me not updating.

    Not really much of an update, but I'm too low to do anything about that.

    Peace.
    Sunday, February 12th, 2006
    10:41 am
    Saturday, February 11th, 2006
    11:15 pm
    99 questions
    1. Taken a picture naked? No

    2. Painted your room? no

    3. Made out with a member of the same sex? no

    4. Drove a car? yes

    5. Danced in front of your mirror? No

    6. Had a crush? Yes

    7. Been dumped? yes

    8. Stole money from a friend? no

    9. Gotten in a car with people you just met? No

    10. Been in a fist fight? No

    11. Snuck out of your house? Yes

    12. Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? yes

    13. Been arrested? No

    14. Made out with a stranger? yes

    15. Met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere? yes

    16. Left your house without telling your parents? yes

    17. Had a crush on your neighbor? No

    18. Ditched school to do something more fun? No

    19. Slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? yes

    20. Seen someone die? No

    21. Been on a plane? yes

    22. Kissed a picture? No

    23. Slept in until three? yes

    24. Love someone or miss someone right now? No

    25. Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? yes

    26. Made a snow angel? no

    27. Played dress up? yes

    28. Cheated while playing a game? yes

    29. Been lonely? yes

    30. Fallen asleep at work/school? Yes

    31. Been to a club? No

    32. Felt an earthquake? Yes

    33. Touched a snake? yes

    34. Ran a red light? no

    35. Been suspended from school? no

    36. Had detention? yes

    37. Been in a car accident? Yes

    38. Hated the way you look? yes

    39. Witnessed a crime? yes

    40. Pole danced? No

    41. Been lost? yes

    42. Been to the opposite side of the country? yes

    43. Felt like dying? Yes

    44. Cried yourself to sleep? yes

    45. Been on the computer for more then a few hours? yes

    46. Sang karaoke? yes

    47. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? yes

    48. Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? No

    49. Caught a snowflake on your tongue? yes

    50. Kissed in the rain? No

    51. Sing in the shower? No

    52. Had sex in a park? no

    53. Had a dream that you married someone? yes

    54. Glued your hand to something? no

    55. Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? no

    56. Ever gone to school partially naked? no

    57. Been a cheerleader? no

    58. Sat on a roof top? No

    59. Didn't take a shower for a week? yes

    60. Ever too scared to watch a movie by yourself? Yes

    61. Played chicken? No

    62. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? yes

    63. Been told you're hot by a complete stranger? yes

    64. Broken a bone? Yes

    65. Been easily amused? yes

    66. Laugh so hard you cried? yes

    67. Mooned/flashed someone? no

    68. Cheated on a test? no

    69. Forgotten someone's name? yes

    70. Slept naked? yes

    71. Gone skinny dipping in a pool? Yes

    72. Hooked up with a stranger while drunk? Yes

    73. Blacked out from drinking? Not yet

    74. Played a prank on someone? yes

    75. Gone to a late night movie? yes

    76. Made love to anything not human? Partially.

    77. Failed a class? No

    78. Choked on something you're not supposed to eat? Yes

    79. Played an instrument for more than 10 hours? no

    80. Cheated on a girl/boyfriend? no

    81. Did you celebrate the 4th of July? Yes

    82. Thrown strange objects? yes

    83. Felt like killing someone? yes

    84. Thought about running away? yes

    85. Ran away? Yes

    86. Did drugs? no

    87. Had detention and not attend it? Yes

    88. Hurt yourself or someone else on purpose? yes

    89. Made a parent cry? Yes

    90. Cried over someone? yes

    91. Owned more than 5 sharpies? No

    92. Dated someone more than once? No

    93. Had/Have a dog? no

    95. Own an instrument? Yes

    96. Been in a band? Yes

    97. Drank 25 sodas in a day? no

    98. Broken a CD? yes

    99. Shot a gun? no
    Saturday, February 4th, 2006
    12:40 am
    Hi!
    It's been fucking ages since my last update, I think so much has gone on, I can't really get my head around it all. I guess I'll start from the present and work backwards.

    Well today was an awful day, I finally broke. I've been so strong recently. Just everything got to me, the pain, the fatigue, I was feeling very emotional, and before I knew it I was crying buckets. A nurse (freya, very kind btw) saw me. I asked to see a psychologist, no one came, I still feel alone, and I don't want to have to handle the burden by myself anymore. Theres a huge meeting next week, deciding what happens with me, I think I'm staying at hospital, not sure if its good or bad, probably a bit of both I guess.

    Frankie (a patient at the hospital, also with cfs). is getting really Ill, they put her on a feed. She;s gotten stick thin now, can't keep anything down. I think she may die soon. I don't know what I'll do if that happened, we barely talk anymore anyway, she's always in bed. I really feel for her. Stacy (a patient with juvenile arthritis) went home. But she's back in march, I'll probably still be in hospital, lawl.

    Something funny happened, one of the mums burnt toast (but I mean like uber bad) so the kitchen caught fire and the fire brigade came, it was the only time I've seen frankie away for ages. School's not so bad I guess. I'm learning a bit. I just can't see where I go from here, but I'm sure I'll find out sooner or later. And if I get any worse, I'm going to consider ending my own life. You may think, attention seeker (pfft), but I'm serious. and it's better for me this way. but we'll see how it goes, and until then, I'll hang in there.

    Peace!
    Sunday, January 1st, 2006
    2:55 am
    New years eve.
    Went out with my mates to the west end of london. Had a pretty good time. My legs hurt, and I think I've got mild hypothermia, but its all good fun. The fireworks were fucking amazing
    Thursday, December 29th, 2005
    12:33 pm
    Life=Death
    I'm annoyed at myself. I think about killing myself often, yet I'm scared that if I do, life would have gotten better for me. I know thats unlikely in the short term. Possibly even the long term. And once I'm dead I can't regret anyway. But I can't bring myself to end my own pain. Which makes me feel even worse.
    Tuesday, December 27th, 2005
    5:55 pm
    heh.
    A slightly uplifting fact, for me at least.

    Dame Kelly Holmes had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome before she won 2 gold medals.

    But also theres the very downlifting fact.

    "People with CFS may improve or recover completely after a few or many years, or not at all. It is not known whether any CFS sufferer has truly recovered to pre-illness levels, or whether their symptoms have merely subsided enough for them to live a more normal life. Some sufferers have a remission for months or years only to later relapse, often more severely." -Wikipedia.
    Friday, December 23rd, 2005
    12:12 am
    Heh.


    God I look like shit. I had to tilt my head upwards to hide my double chin.

    http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v152/rythmnthief/ME2.jpg

    2nd one, done because I can. I'd like to call it ultimate monobrow.

    Current Mood: amused
    Current Music: Ladies and Gentlemen- Hot Hot Heat
    Tuesday, December 20th, 2005
    10:33 pm
    I'm getting pissed off my head tommorrow no matter what.

    What's life if you can't live.
    Saturday, December 17th, 2005
    12:13 pm
    Life is good (sorta lol.)
    Well I'm home for xmas (no rob is not my gay lover).

    I've had a decent week I guess, on friday sam mitchell from eastenders came round the ward, I was trying to think of a clever thing to say, but it came out as "hi, I am Max". Kinda lame huh. That night there was a hospital organized party, it was very noisy and I was feeling shit so I didn't really enjoy it. This band called "the Faders" came round looking like cheap prostitutes, I'd never heard of them either. But I ended up nicking about 20 packets of nicnacs, so its not all bad.

    I'm going back into hospital on the 4th of jan ( I can't wait), until then I'm going to drug myself up on painkillers. Bye!

    Oh and since my journal has the trend of 0 comments embedded, I don't expect this to change.

    and I realize I suck at ljing, sorry for my literary abominations.
    Saturday, December 3rd, 2005
    7:07 pm
    Hello.
    Well, my life is basically fucked as life goes, my ME (read previous entry) is 100x worse, and probably will only get worse as time goes on, the pains in my legs are so bad I'm in a wheelchair, I feel cold all the time, and feel achy in every joint in my body. Hooray for paracetomol, but suprisingly I'm still happy, don't ask me why. And I'm going to see franz ferdinand tonight, hooray for disabled access, then going back into hospital, its probly gonna be shit since I can't bear noise or bright lights.

    bye.
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